Burning bushes

Tonight I fell into sharing part of my adoption story with a new friend. Ok. I didn't "fall" into it, I rambled on into it.

I was retelling how we "found" Sparkles.  Eventually I will get to sharing that part of our adoption story with you all.  When I tell it, I am in awe. Not that it is that amazing to anyone else, but it is awe inspiring to me.  Scattered throughout the story are God stops everywhere.   I can see that now because I can look backwards and I know how the story ends.

I share this because throughout our adoption process, I was plagued with doubts.  I questioned over and over again if we were walking the right direction.  With timidity I admit that there were times after we were home that I still doubted..."did we do the right thing?  Was this really where you wanted us to walk?  Did we imagine your calling on this whole thing?"  It's humbling to admit, but when life gets hard of course we question.

Backpedaling to the God stops. It takes my breath away to see how he directed and affirmed our adoption journey.  Now, it seems like burning bush moments. Moments when it is beyond obvious that God is speaking, directing, affirming.  However,at the time I questioned if the bush was even smoking.

I currently am working through some decisions. Once again, I find myself reeling with doubt and fear.  It becomes almost paralyzing.  I start walking in a direction and then I stop.

 " I see a bush.  Is it on fire? No, I think it's just smoking. Wait, is that even a bush?"

God really could have used me as a biblical character.  I probably would have made a great Israelite or disciple.  You know, one of those biblical people that you just want to say, "duh!  They just don't get it!!"

So, I've started a God watch journal.  I'm recording what I think God may be showing me regarding specific decisions. 

When I see those burning bushes fly off the page and the direction is being set, the next question becomes "will I trust Him?"

As Christians so often we ignore the bushes he lights on fire to guide us.  Yes, perhaps some of the ignorance might be because we are too busy to look.  However, I think more often it comes down to trust.

We see the bush. We just can't trust.

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